doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i think i just lost a toe
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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