...so i touched it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
