I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
