I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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