Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
