Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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