the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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