why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
whose parrot is this?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
