Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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