you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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