george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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