That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
