She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's never too late to be topless.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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