I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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