WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
