im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
