How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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