Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
