You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
