OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
