1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
