Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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