I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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