Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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