Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
