Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
