Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
