I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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