I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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