I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
