she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
