I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
