Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A+ Viking dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
