my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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