I hope my margaritas pass through security.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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