Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
