he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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