i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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