the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
