I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
