I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
