is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
