We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
