shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
