Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
