i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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