spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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