I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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