Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
