Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
