Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
